laurielizzle (laurielizzle) wrote,

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living in arizona

arizona is a big change for me to get used to. everywhere i go and people check my ID they say "oh how long have u been here blah blah oh your just going to love it here" and i say i know. but its not really like home to me. im getting used to it and learning the roads more, but i still use my GPS when going somewhere i dont go that often. and i dont see any people i know. i see people that look like people i know though which is wierd...its like we have twins on the other side of the country that we dont know about! i have never seen anyone that looks like me though. i have made some new friends through chris and through work, but it's not the same. like my friends from home, they know me. they know what happened to me last summer and in the last few years. and new people dont. so when the 1 yr anniverary of my dad's death came around, i felt isolated. but i made it though. i teared up alittle and cried the night before it happened, but i was more worried about my mom than anything. and i called her like 10 times in 3 days(Aug. 1st- their anniversary, Aug. 2nd- day he died, and Aug. 3rd- her birthday) so i was worried. but she really seemed ok, my brother was around and took her out for her bday and so did her friend and the family was there for her those days and i felt bad that i wasnt. but i guess thats what happens when you move away, you are on your own and live your own life. i just feel like im not being a good daughter or friend when im not there for people when i think they need me. i do like being here, i do like being on my own, but there are alot of times when im homesick or really want my friends. maryland will always be my home and as much as i hated it at times i miss it. i miss my mom's cooking..i miss my family and my brother who sometimes drove me nuts but now i just wanna hang out with him. i wanna hang out with all of my friends. but like i said i am getting used to living here. i like my job and my house. but paying bills sucks. and i like how it rains mostly at night(during monsoon season, not the rest of the year much though) i guess i just dont see what the wonderful thing im supposed to love so much is. there are pretty sunsets and mountains but a ton of dirt and not much grass..and the trees arent pretty like im used to. and there arent any squirrels. but we do have cute lizards. so its just different. i guess i can say i like it but i dont love it, cuz my friends and family arent there..ok i could probably go on and on..i guess i should get back to my MD buddies!
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